Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Hilangnya sebuah permata, perginya sebutir mutiara.

Setiap kali nak mengisi pokok badan, setiap kali nak buat jurusan. Fikiran terus teringatkan Tok Su. Baru beberapa hari Tok Su 'pergi', baru beberapa hari Tok Su 'kembali' kepada-Nya, tapi ingatan seolah-olah Tok Su masih di sini.

Sabtu lepas (6/4/2013) - aku, emak, ayah dan adik ke pondok Tok Chik. Janji dengan Uncle dan Tok Su, jumpa di sana selepas isya'. Ketika kami sampai, Uncle dan Tok Su belum lagi sampai.

Sempat duduk berbual-bual dengan Tok Chik, sebelum Tok Chik memanggil aku dan berikan aku petikan surah Al-Dzariyat dari juzu' 30, ayat 1 - 30. Tok Chik suruh hafal dan amalkan. Pesan Tok Chik pada ayah, ayat itu elok untuk penyembuhan penyakit.

Dalam berborak, Tok Chik minta emak untuk duduk berlunjur mengadap ke arah kiblat. Emak sejak akhir-akhir ini jadi masuk hantu. Puncanya tempohari, beberapa kali dalam tidur emak tiba-tiba menjerit dan seterusnya hilang kesedaran.

Emak merepek yang bukan-bukan. Terkadang keluar perkataan 'barua' dari mulut emak. Keluar kata-kata makian. Aku,adik dan ayah, langsung emak tak kenal. Beberapa kali berubat, emak okey sekejap kemudian jadi lagi. Yang terkini, pada hari isnin minggu lepas 1/4/2013. Dalam jam 2 pagi, tiba-tiba terdengar bunyi cawan jatuh di dapur. Aku di atas turun ke bawah. Emak terkejut dari tidur, tiba-tiba seperti biasa, mula meracau yang bukan-bukan. Terkejut.

"Anak haram, barua. Bunyi apa tu? Hang pi tengok kas..." bertubi-tubi emak bersuara.

Ke dapur, aku lihat ada cawan yang pecah di atas lantai. Seketika, aku jadi binggung.

Ke ruang depan, adik aku lihat sedang memeluk wajah emak. Emak mula merepek yang bukan-bukan, panggil nama penuh jiran sebelah rumah. Kata emak, "Daje sebelah tu, bela hantu raya. Bini dia bela pelesit. Dia pengetua sek dot dot dot, dia hantaq aku mai sini. Aku tak mau, tapi dia tibai aku kalau aku tak mau mai..."

Bila tengok makin tak berkesudahan, walau dah dibacakan ayat kursi di telinga, dia masih ketawa. Di buka surah ruqyah dan yassin, langsung diejek-ejek. Ayah telefon Tok Su, kata Tok Su, dia tak pandai nak ubatkan kalau terkena yang begini.Tok Su suruh telefon Tok Chik. Ayah langsung telefon Uncle, ajak ke dusun Tok Chik di bukit.

Ke dusun Tok Chik, macam biasa emak merepek yang bukan-bukan. Maki-maki. Jam 6 pagi. Baru mak okey. Pulih balik.

Langsung kami balik ke rumah.
Pagi tu, masa tengah siapkan ayah nak ke sekolah. Emak terkejut lagi dari tidur tiba-tiba. Kali ini langsung meracau dalam Bahasa Inggeris. Langsung tak nak bercakap bahasa melayu. Jenuh dipujuk.

Mulanya, emak tak kenal siapa aku, siapa adik. Siapa ayah.
Emak pandang aku, "Girl, who are you. Are you my daugther?" soal emak.
"Adik, you're my son's eh adik?" soal emak.

Keesokkan harinya, bawa emak ke rumah Tok Su siangnya, kemudian malamnya ke rumah tok su lagi. Tapi memandangkan seolah-olah berlarutan, langsung malamnya ke rumah Tok Chik semula. Hinggalah kemudian Tok Chik pesan suruh datang hari sabtu.

Jadi Tok Su dan Uncle ke rumah Tok Chik malam sabtu tu sebenarnya atas tujuan nak berbicang bagaimana nak ubatkan emak. Sementelah, Tok Chik sebenarnya guru kepada Tok Su.

Di rumah Tok Chik, selepas emak diubatkan, Tok Chik langsung minta anak muridnya yang senior untuk tengok sama ada aku isi pokok badan dengan cara yang betul atau salah. Kemudian buat jurusan.

Sebelum tu, aku dengan Man masing-masing bertolak. Tok Su suruh Man buat jurusan sebabnya, malam tu, Tok Su nak minta Tok Chik isikan gerak pada Man. Dalam lawan bertolak, akhirnya aku mengalah dan aku yang mulakan.

Elok saja aku tutup latihan jurusan, aku tengok Uncle peluk Tok Su. Aku terkedu. Walhal baru je sebelum tu, Tok Su tersenyum tengok aku buat jurusan. Selama ni, gerak langkah jurusan 50 buah tu, Tok Su yang ajar. Aku selalu berlatih di rumah Tok Su. Kalau ada buah jurusan yang salah, Tok Su yang betulkan.

Bila tengok Tok Su tiba-tiba collapse, sesak nafas. Emak laju saja cek nadi tok su sebelum bagi bantuan CPR. Bila dapat detect semula beat nadi, langsung ramai-ramai kat situ cempung Tok Su bawa ke hospital. Kami semua ikut ke hospital.

Jam 12.30 malam, paramedik pronounce Tok Su dah meninggal lepas dia orang cuba bagi bantuan CPR selama 30 minit.

Aku terduduk. Terkedu. Aku pandang muka tok su perempuan, aku tak boleh kata apa. Setitis air mata pun tak keluar dari tubir mata toksu perempuan. Aku tengok muka Tok Su selepas tangan dikiamkan, dan kepala diikat tali. Tok Su nampak macam tengah tidur. Bibir Tok Su tersenyum. Muka Tok Su nampak tenang sangat. Riak muka Tok Su saling tak tumpah masa setiap kali Tok Su duk berubat.

Kata Man, Tok Su sempat mengucap, sempat sebut Allah sebelum menghembuskan nafasnya yang terakhir. Ketika aku rasa aku dah okey, masuk balik ke dalam ruang unit kecemasan di zon merah, aku buka naskah quran kecilku. Aku mula bacakan surah yassin. Hingga sampai ke bahagian tengah, hati aku tiba-tiba sebak. Air mata menitis laju. Suara sedikit tertatah-tahan.

Ada beberapa ayat di dalam surah yassin yang tok su selalu pesan pada aku untuk amalkan. Kata Tok Su, ayat tu yang digunakan untuk mengubat.

Aku teringat pesanan tok su padaku untuk banyakkan zikir.
Kata Tok Su, dalam hati jangan pernah berhenti berzikir. Walau ketika kita tengah makan, ketika tengah berborak, ketika tengah buat apa-pun. Hati sentiasa berzikir.

Dan, kebaikan Tok Su yang sudah aku anggap seperti wanku sendiri.
Tok Su sentiasa ambil berat tentang aku.
Kalau aku tak datang ke rumah sehari pun, tok su akan tanya, sihat ke tak?
Tiap kali kalau aku nak balik ke KL, Tok Su selalu pesan, "Jangan pi lama-lama. Habis kerja balik sini terus."

Selalu kalau ayah ke rumah Tok Su, ayah selalu telefon aku. Cakap tok su nak cakap.
Soalan Tok Su,
Sihat tak?
Isi pokok badan tak?
Buat jurusan tak?

Allah...
Sangat-sangat rasa kehilangan.

Tok Su bila berubat, ayat yang tak pernah putus dari mulutnya, "Saya cuma usaha, sembuh atau tidak tu atas kuasa Allah."

"Kalau dia sembuhkan, Alhamdulillah. Kalau dia tak sembuhkan pun, Alhamdulillah. Mungkin dia tak sembuhkan kita hari ini, tapi esok. Sebab perancangan 'DIA' tu lebih baik dari perancangan kita."

"Allah bagi penyakit, sebab Allah sayang kita. Kalau tak, kita mungkin lupa DIA."

Tok su, yang aku kenal; selalu merendah diri.
Tok su yang aku kenal, selalu tasbihnya di tangan.
Tok su yang aku kenal, sangat mengambil berat. Hinggakan orang luar sudah jadi seperti keluarga sendiri.

Semoga Allah sentiasa merahmati Tok Su
Menyayangi Tok Su sebagaimana Tok Su menyayangi kami dan kami menyayangi Tok Su
Semoga Tok Su dipermudahkan Allah di sana.

Insya-Allah, kami akan sentiasa ingat pada Tok Su.
Semoga Ilmu yang Tok Su turunkan pada kakak, pada emak, pada ayah itu akan memberikan barakah kepada Tok Su di sana.

Perginya Tok Su, seperti kata uncle " Hilangnya sebuah permata, perginya sebutir mutiara yang tak mungkin ada gantinya."

Al-Fatihah
Wednesday, March 06, 2013

I don't care



Seriously..
I don't even care.
I don't even bother

and

I am so tired of you!
Seriously!
Hopefully
Will never heard your name
Will never bump in a meeting with you!

Why?
As 
I am so tired of you
I don't even care
and 
not bother at all

You may think you know me
But believe me
You know nothing about me!

And that's my choice!
Why?
I am sick of you!

Monday, March 04, 2013

ujian Allah

Masya-Allah,
Subhana-Allah...

Sesungguhnya, berat hati kita yang mendengar, berat lagi bahu yang memikul.

Tadi mendengar cerita seorang kakak. Langsung aku terkedu. Sedikit sebanyak, aku kagum padamu kakak. Kau sentiasa mengagumkan aku selama ini. Dan hari ini, aku bertambah kagum padamu kakak.

Selama ini, aku mengenalmu hanya disebalik tirai maya ini. Dan Demi ALLAH, aku amat ingin menunaikan permintaanmu untuk pergi menemuimu di sana. Besar pengharapanmu itu, aku sedar bila kau sampai sanggup membayarkan tambang penerbanganku untuk terbang menemuimu di sana.

Insya-Allah kakak,
Doakan agar perjalananku dipermudahkan untuk bertemu denganmu di sana.
Doakan kakak.
Sunday, March 03, 2013

smurf


Balik KL, godek-godek kotak barang-barang.
Mencari nail  clipper sebenarnya.
Sekali jumpa Smurf ni!

Tiba-tiba mata langsung pandang smurf.
Saya sangat rindu awak.

Smurf ni dapat last two years.
Masa tu, keluar temankan 'dia' untuk ke lowyat.
Survey laptop juga.
Bila lapar, langsung ajak dia untuk ke Times Square.

Apa lagi. 
Nak makan korean food kat situ.
Masa tengah jalan, kaki tiba-tiba stop depan kedai jual smurf ni.
Dia tanya, "Nak?"
Paling pandang dia, laju je kepala menggeleng.
Dalam kepala sebenarnya ura-ura nak beli, letak dalam kereta.

Lepas makan, nak balik ke lowyat semula.
Dia stop depan kedai tu.
Dia tanya, "Kamu nak yang girl ke yang ini?"
Diam. Laju je kepala geleng.
"Eh tak apalah."

Dia capai. Langsung pergi bayar.
Exactly yang dipegang tadi.
Kata dia, "Orang hadiah untuk kamu."
"Eh tak apa."
"Orang tahu kamu nak. Kamu suka."

Makanya, memang jadi penghias kereta.
Sampailah, bila nak tukar kereta dengan adik.
Jadi langsung keluarkan smurf tu.
Terlupa pula nak pasang balik bila dah tukar kereta dengan adik semula.

Tengok smurf ni.
Langsung teringat dia.
Rindu awak jugak.
terima kasih.

Friday, March 01, 2013

...

Everything went well for me.
Alhamdulillah.

Masalah hati?
Alhamdulillah. Resolved.
No current issues.

What else?
Friendship?
Just a small problem. But it's okey.
She should have understand as I am not PERFECT.

A part of it,
I am ADULT.
I know what am I doing.
I know why did I choose that decision.

After all.
I am good.

Sometime, I have to block people on FB / twitter
Not because I hate them,
Because
That is only way I can help them.
or
That is the only way, I can avoid them?
Perhaps?

Cruel?
Evil?
That's me.




Let the picture tell



Let the picture tell everything.
That's what I feel inside me.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013

ujian kita


setiap dari kita diuji
diuji dengan cara yang berbeza

setiap dari kita punya cerita
cerita yang berbeza antara satu dan yang lain.

terkadang hati menangis
jiwa meronta
tapi jeritan itu hanya bisa diluahkan di dalam dada

kalau saja ada yang mengerti
kalau saja ada yang mendengarnya
TIDAK! Allah Maha Mendengar

Tapi
bila dia belum memakbulkannya
mungkin itu bukan yang terbaik untuk kita?

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Herbalife : Why don't give a try?

I heard about this product since past few years,
But I had never intent to try it out
For me it just like the MLM
But somehow,
Since I had seen several people reduce their weight
Live a healthy life
I had just asked myself
Why don't you tried it first?

So today I had attend their customer days
At my first sight
What the hack?
Why are they shouting like
Thank you Herbalife, Thank you ALLAH so loudly!
Are they retarded?
But NO!
They're actually full of spirit!
They love the product 
That is why they're so energetic and motivated on the program
A part of that, the commission from the product itself motivated them.

But as for me?
I just want to reduce my weight.
From current weight to my ideal old weight.
From 63kg now to 45kg soon

Do pray for me. 
Insya-Allah  
Saturday, February 23, 2013

I am not PERFECT


Please understand, 
that I am not PERFECT

I try to be a PERFECT friend
I try to be your best friend
I try my best to ensure that you can rely on me
You can trust me

But please,
Don't expect me to be that PERFECT.

You know what,
I am HUMAN
HUMAN made a MISTAKE
But we do LEARN from OUR MISTAKE

You know what?
There is a REASON 
Why'd I made that kind of DECISION
It's NOT that EASY for me
To MADE that kind of decision

But I just want you
Try to understand me
Try to be in my shoes
as like I always try to understand you.

Is that all to hard for you?

I'd love him

One night, 
I have nothing to do.
So I had just surf the photobucket. 
Search all the old picture of my unimates.
and guest what?

I had found this picture 
|
|
|
V


He is my beloved grandpa.
My dad's father.

I'd love him so much.
Looking at his picture
I can't stop the tears from coming out.
I just realize that I'd missed him very much.
He gave me the perfect picture of the ideal husband I am looking for.

As if he still alive
I will be very happy
I will hug him, kiss him, talk to him, hang out with him
As i'm used to 

During my childhood time
Happen to be one chinese women talk to me in chinese
She thought I am a chinese girl
I was very mad when she call me mei mei
My grandpa said that, it's okey. She just call you as a little girl
When I am arguing with my schoolmate and they call me as murtad from budhist
I was like what???
He said, "My dad is a chinese - budhist revert to Islam.
Nevertheless, we'll a bit look like chinese."
Then, I was like okay!

But I'd missed him.
I wish I can meet with him
Even in my dream.

Wan, I love you.
You're the great grandpa in the world.
Friday, February 22, 2013

turn to 29

what are so special about 19th February?
Its my birthday!
Yes it is.

Its already few days past.
But only today i'm going to talk about this.
Well, first of all
Happy Birthday to me myself.

Is there any celebration?
No!

But its okey.
Never mind.
It's more than enough when somebody I love
Somebody I like
Somebody I cheer
Remember the date
Wish me a happy birthday!

Even me myself used to forget my own birthday.
18th February night.
He called me.
Ask me what am I doing.
What's the planning for tomorrow.
How's the preparation for the interview.
And time pass by
It's almost 11

"Sayang... I can't stand it anymore."
"..and why is that?"
"So sleepy. Going to the site tomorrow."
"Okey. So it's time for you to sleep."
"Yes. But before that..."
".. and before that?"
"Happy Birthday in advance. May Allah bless you. May you be happy always."
I was laughing. 
"I am not count it in. Its not yet 19th February yg."
"I know. But it less than an hour and I just can't stay up anymore."
"Okey. Tu je?"
"Love you."
"Okey. Thanks for the wishes. Have a sweet dreams."

As usual.
He always be the 1st one.
Except few years ago.
He did forgot about it!
But after that, he is the one who remember it.
Who wish me in advance.
Even my family members forgot my birthday.

So 
Its more than happy 
When someone you love 
Wish and remember your birthday

:) - if love is sweet - let it be

8.05 pm - received a call.
Smile.
He rang purposely just to know about today's interview.
But the conversation stop for a while.
Isya' prayer call.

Next call received at 9.10 pm
"I am back." he said on SMS.
"How's dinner?"
"Cancel."
"Why?"
"Diet."
"Ceh!"

So then, the stories on interview was continue...

"How was the interview" - he said
"Was okey."
Tell him a story. 

"I hate heels." - I said
He laughing.
"You should has decided it since before."
"I knew. But I never wore it except to the dinner and today's interview."

"How much it cost you?"
"MYR 150.00" - I replied
"And you would love to leave it as a statue?"
Laughing.
"I'll keep it in the box. Seal it. But swear not to wear it again. It kill me!"
"Because you never like heels." he said.

From interview session
We talked about his backpacking planning.
"Azlan had text me."
"Azlan who?"
"My best friend. The one that I used to tell you?"
"Oh okey! That one.. the one kat U dulu kan yang?"
"Yeah! They had planning a backpacking trip to Krabi."
I was like what? 
Backpacking? When?
"...and?"
"They had count me in.."

Thinking. Thinking. Thinking.
"So you'll joining them?"
"Not so sure yet. They'll come and fetch me here in Gurun."
"And they're from?"
"KL."
"What? You guys are heading to Krabi by what?"
"Car. Driving."
"How much it cost you?"
"RM 180.00."
"Eh? Very cheap?"
"It will be four of us. I have to pay the same amount as others."
"Okey. It's not that cheap than."

and we were like having such a long conversation
share lots of stories.
It's almost one hour(s) on conversation

"So what your planning tomorrow? Nak pegi mana?"
"Nothing much. Thinking of going to gombak. Post office. Coming back home."
"When will you be back to Perlis?"
"Next monday. Not this coming monday tau, but the next coming monday."

"Almost 11. Let get some sleep." said him.
"Yeah. Good night."
"Night."

As always, "You take care tomorrow."




Thursday, February 21, 2013

forgive & forget

Hardly to let it go just like that
Hardly to break our own heart
Everybody make a mistake
Everybody has their own old story
So why don't just forgive & forget

Why?
Everybody deserve a second chance
Let time be a judge

So
Its decided

I trust you
Please don't break my trust

 

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